Of Guitars and Coffee
by dumbledorathexplorer
Summary: What happens when nationally famous singer Craig Tucker gets stuck with Tweek, a socially retarted caffiene addict with a talent for the guitar in order to become a world wide sensation?


**Chapter 1**

Craig Tucker´s eye twitched angrily as he stared at the clock hanging on the wall of a small café.

1:57 it read.

Clyde, his manager was supposed to meet him here about an hour ago and hasn´t shown up. Just who the fuck did he think he was? Keeping one of the newest, most popular song artists in America. The fucking nerve.

Clyde was going to hear the bitching of his life.

"Hey dude! Sorry I´m late!" An enthusiastic voice rang through the 19 year old´s ears as the brunette made his way to the table.

"You´ll never guess what happened! I was talking to Bebe Stevens on the way here! Can you believe it? I mean top model Bebe Stevens talking to me! Woah dude, what is up with your eye?"

"Just sit the fuck down and tell me the great news you talked about over the phone before i fire you jack ass!" Craig huffed angrily reclining back in his chair. Clyde grinned from ear to ear and stood up dramatically as local bystanders stared at the odd manager. Craig sunk in his seat a little so people didn´t know it was _his_ manager.

"I got you a record deal with the Cartman record company (trademark)! You´ll be playing for Eric Cartman himself in two weeks! Do you love me or do you love me?" Craig couldn´t believe it. Cartman record company (trademark) was one of the most famous record companies in the history of music. Only the very best were signed by Cartman´s name.

"You... You" Craig couldn´t find andy words to explain how happy he was.

"Aww I know man. I´m the best manager ever." Clyde boasted. Craig stood up and hugged his best friend and manager not caring about the stares he was getting.

"Clyde," Craig began shakily, "If you weren´t such a dork, I´d fucking kiss you right now." _

Craig Tucker hadn´t always been so fortunate. What with a more fucked up family than the Jackson five, and living in South Park no less, life hadn´t been easy.

He remembers when he was in the ninth grade when he would skip class just to go smoke pot with Kenny at his house, or make a complete fool of himself at one of Token´s many famous house parties.

At school he had been labeled the bad boy, no one would mess with him, his grades were a mess and his relationships with teachers had always been horrendous. No one, including him, ever thought he´d become a singer. Although he liked singing he hadn´t really thought of it until Clyde had barged in his room while he was singing to his guinea pig, Stripe. That was where it began. The mission to make Craig a star. And now he was here. On top, with a chance to become even bigger and known.

But aside from all this, there was an emptiness that Craig would feel after performing on various stages, the crowd chanting his name. A churning feeling, a want for something more. But Craig couldn´t put his finger on it. Who could possibly have so much but feel so empty at the same time?

Cerleun eyes closed as Craig jumped on his black leather couch, the dark colors of his apartment calming his nerves. Clyde had made him practice his vocals and guitar skills for two days straight. He was exhausted. Before he could fall into a deep slumber, a loud noise resonated from his jacket pocket which hung innocently by the front door.

"_**Baby, Baby, baby ooooh! Baby Baby Baby noooooo! Baby baby baby ooooh! I thought you´d always be mine, mine!"**_

God damn it. Craig thought bitterly. Clyde had been messing with his phone the other day and now he was going to pay. He made his way bitterly, his feet being dragged across the room. He snatched the phone from his pocket and yelled,

"WHAT?"

"Oh, sorry mister grumpy pants! I´ll call later."

"Wait, Kenny! Is that you? I haven´t heard from your sorry ass in over a month!" Craig exclaimed. Inside, he wanted to jump with excitement. The last time he saw the infamous Kenny McCormick was on the back of a truck with a bunch of playboy girls. God knows what happened then.

"The one and only babe! What´s this I´m hearing about you getting signed a record deal from Cartman company (trademark)?" Craig growled at the nickname.

"Fuck off. Can you believe Clyde got me that deal?"

"No way!"

"Way. Man it´s gonna be totally awesome. Too bad you´re not here to see the look on Eric Cartman´s face when I give him a boner." Craig mumbled.

"Who says I won´t?" Craig stared at the wall confused.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that I´ll be in town next week! Maybe I´ll get there in time watch you give that man said boner." Craig tried to hide a smile. Not only was he getting this deal, but Kenny was going to be here too._

"Damn it you guys don´t you even THINK of embarrassing me in front of Cartman or any of his workers!" Craig whispered angrily to Clyde and Kenny. They were sitting in very expensive chairs in front of Eric Cartman´s office. Kenny had arrived only two days before the big day and overrun Craig with bear hugs.

Both of them smiled innocently stifling laughter at the sight of Craig´s nervous face.

"Calm down Craigy, it´ll all go awesome." Clyde assured him. The door opened and a small red-head popped out with a clipboard in hand. The boy had abnormally tight pants on and an orange sweater two sizes two big on him. He wore what seemed to be hipster glasses and smelled of strawberries and cologne.

"Um, Craig Tucker, Mr. Cartman is ready to see you." Kenny laughed at the way the red-head said Mr. Cartman with such annoyance. Craig hit the back of his head.

The three boys walked into see a big desk and the back of a big chair staring at them. The office was decorated from head to toe with trophies and golden records The red-head rolled his eyes as he shut the door and whispered to Craig´s ear,

"The idiot is just trying to add dramatic effect" with that said, he scurried over to the desk and sat on top of it. The chair moved slowly towards them and there sat, the one and only, Eric Cartman. The man couldn´t be more than 25 years of age and seemed to have a glint in his eyes.

"Well, well, well. If it isn´t Craig Tucker." Eric cackled. "Kyle, give these young men something to drink." Kyle grumbled something along the words of fatass, but wasn´t questioned. In moments he was back with four glasses filled with red wine.

"Sir it´s an honor to meet you! You don´t know how much-" Clyde began but was interrupted by a yawn.

"Like I havn´t heard that one before you dipshit! Just sit down and let´s get to business." Without another word said he led them what what appeared to be a stage. There was an audience there also. The three looked at each other strangely.

"Um, Mr. Cartman what is this?" Craig asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well you have to perform for me and my audience of highly prestigious colleges." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He then grabbed Kyle´s arm and walked to a seat in the audience and motioned for Kenny and Clyde to come along. Craig stood there alone on the stage and was given a guitar by a random worker. Cartman looked at him expectantly.

"Well?" he asked. Craig frowned.

"Will you fucking wait a second I´m still trying to process this." Cartman grumbled about Craig being an asshole and yelled for him to begin playing. Shrugging Craig began to strum the guitar and played one of his most popular songs.

"_Words are flowing out like_

_Endless rain into a paper cup,_

_They slither while they pass._

_They slip away across the universe._

_Pools of sorrow,_

_Waves of joy_

_Are drifting through my open mind._

_Possessing and caressing me._

_Jai guru deva om._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Images of broken light which _

_Dance before me, like a million eyes_

_That call me on and on across the universe._

_Thoughts meander like a _

_Restless wind inside a letter box,_

_They tumble blindly as _

_They make their way across the universe._

_Jai guru deva om._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Nothing's gonna change my world._

_Nothing's gonna change my world."_

Everyone in the audience cheered and some women fainted. Cartman had a surprised look on his face as everyone applauded. Craig smirked at Cartman´s expression and bowed to the crowd.

"Kyle" Cartman nudged his secretary.

"yes Cartman?"

"Get this asshole a pen and a contract."

_**Disclaimer: i don´t own south park, Justin Bieber, rufus Wainwright you got it? I just own the story. review and favorite if you like and if you want me to continue. **_


End file.
